Feelings
by awriterofthings
Summary: Isabela is dealing with her feelings for Hawke. F/F


Feelings

Isabela pushed Allison Hawke's room door open slowly and stuck her head inside. She saw the rogue in bed, still resting from the fight they had been in three days ago with a group of thugs. Hawke was in pants and a bra and her midsection was wrapped in bandages. She had taken a dagger to the side and no one was sure if she would make it, but being the strong warrior that she was, she pulled through.

"Hey you." Isabela entered the room. "You know, if you wanted some down time, you didn't have to go and get yourself stabbed."

Hawke smirked. "I was actually hoping it would be reason enough for you to give me a sponge bath."

Isabela laughed. "You needn't get yourself hurt for that. I'd do it willingly." The pirate grew serious. "How are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine," Hawke assured her. "I'll just need to rest a bit more. How long was I out?"

Isabela nodded in agreement. "Rest is good. Three days. Anyway, I'll go tell Bethany you're up. She's been worried sick."

"Just Bethany?" Hawke wondered allowed.

"No, the others too... including me," Isabela said. _Especially me. She thought. _

Hawke smiled and simply stared at the beautiful woman before her for a moment. "Can we talk?"

"We are talking, you goose." Isabela felt herself go weak in the knees as those piercing blue eyes stared into her own for a long moment.

"About us," Hawke clarified. "We were supposed to talk before but," she gestured to the bandage. "we never got the opportunity."

"I really should get your sister. She'll be upset if she's not informed right away that you're up." Before Hawke could get another word in, Isabela bolted from the room.

Hawke sighed, which caused her to wince in pain. She ran a hand through her long tresses in frustration. "Blasted thugs," she muttered. She couldn't believe one had bested her.

Aveline entered the room and smiled at her friend. "It's good to see you up."

Hawke returned the warm smile. "You're here? You don't have to stick around. I'm sure you have a lot to attend to."

"I'm actually just coming from work," Aveline said. "Isabela told me you were up as she rushed past me. She looked... disturbed. Did something happen?"

"She's just avoiding a talk I want to have with her," Hawke said. "I like her a lot, Aveline. I don't understand why she runs from me."

"I don't think she's running from you. I think she's running from her feelings."

"Well I wish she'd just talk to me," Hawke said.

"I don't know if a woman like Isabela can... or even wants to be tamed. You waiting around for her might be a lost cause. But worry about that later. Do you need anything? Are you hungry?"

"Not really," Hawke replied. "I could sleep some more, though."

"You should eat. It'll help build up your strength."

"Maybe later. Have I missed anything while I was out?"

"You'd be amazed what could happen in three days." Aveline sat in the chair by Hawke's bed and caught her up on what had been happening while she was out.

* * *

After being one hundred percent sure that her sister was going to be fine, Bethany left the bedroom and headed downstairs, where she found Isabela sitting at Hawke's writing desk. Numerous crumpled pieces of paper were on the floor and Isabela was furiously writing away in her own little world.

Bethany cleared her throat and Isabela turned her head. "How is she?"

"She's fine. She won't eat, though. Claims she's not hungry." Bethany furrowed her brows and gestured to the desk. "What are you doing?"

"I'm writing."

"I didn't know you could," Bethany joked.

Isabela playfully glared at Hawke's younger sister. "It's important. I just can't seem to find the right words."

"Maybe I can help."

Isabela shook her head. "That's all right. I'll figured it out."

Bethany reached down to pick up one of the papers strewn across the floor. As she unfolded it, Isabela quickly got up from the chair. "Give me that!"

Bethany ran away from the pirate as she read the note. "Allison...I'm sorry if I've been cold towards you."

"Bethany," Isabela said in a warning tone.

"I'm simply trying to sort out these feelings that-," Before Bethany could finish her sentence a dagger ripped the paper from her hand and hit the wall. She put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes at the Rivaini. "That was uncalled for."

Isabela went over to her dagger and pulled it out of the wall, placing it back in its sheath. She ripped up the paper that Bethany had been reading and tossed it into the fire before she sat back down at the writing desk. "What I'm trying to write is private."

"I can see that," Bethany said. "Why must you write it? Why don't you just tell my sister how you feel?"

"Because," Isabela said, simply.

Bethany folded her arms across her chest. "Because what?"

"Have you always been this nosey?" Isabela asked. "You're almost worse than Varric."

"When it comes to my sister, yes."

"I probably shouldn't even bother, should I?" Isabela asked as she looked down at the note she had been trying to write. "She can do so much better than me."

Bethany moved over to the writing desk and knelt down so that she could look into Isabela's eyes. "I'll admit when I first learned that you two were... involved... physically, I was a bit apprehensive. You two are good for each other, though. You balance each other out. You make sure she lets loose every now and then and she keeps you morally sound... as best she can anyway."

"You really approve of me?" Isabela was shocked. She figured Hawke's sister hated the thought of them being together in any kind of way.

"I do... but don't give me reason to regret saying so." Bethany stood up and gestured to the door. "I better get going before it gets dark. Can you try to get her to eat something?"

"Sure, I can try," Isabela said. Once Bethany left the mansion, Isabela picked up her failed notes and threw them into the fireplace.

* * *

Hawke slowly sat up, ignoring the pain that coursed through her at the movement. She got out of bed and removed her pants, which proved to be harder than she wanted to admit it. She removed her bra and tossed it aside before reaching for her robe.

"Hey, Hawke," Isabela pushed open the door. "I brought you-," the pirate stopped speaking when she saw the naked rogue standing before her. She smirked. "Starting without me?"

"I don't have the energy to start anything," Hawke assured her as she put on her favorite robe. "I was just getting more comfortable. Why'd you come back?"

Isabela held up the bowl of food she was carrying. "You need to eat."

"I'm not-,"

"You can't not be hungry," Isabela said. "You were in a coma for three days. You're eating. Don't make me strap you down and force feed you."

Hawke grinned. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"I really would," Isabela said, playfully.

"How about this," Hawke began. "I'll eat if you answer some question I have about us."

Isabela sighed. "You don't play fair."

"Learned that from you." Hawke got back into bed and leaned against the headboard. She patted the empty space beside her and Isabela joined her.

Isabela handed Hawke the bowl and the rogue took a bite of the food. She glanced at the pirate and smiled.

Isabela raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're absolutely breathtakingly beautiful?" Hawke asked, softly.

Isabela looked down at her hands as she answered. "Not in so many words...and not with the kind of feeling behind them that your words hold."

"That's a shame." Hawke took another bite of her food.

"So you had questions you wanted to ask me?" Isabela reminded her.

"Yes."

Things remained silent and Isabela rolled her eyes. "Are you going to ask me them?"

"Eventually."

"Andraste's tits, why are you dragging this out?"

"I want you here for a bit before you take off running."

"I won't run."

Hawke handed Isabela back the bowl and the woman set it down on the nightstand.

"What are we?" Hawke asked.

Isabela shrugged. "Friends who occasionally sleep together?"

Hawke reached over to placed her hand on top of Isabela's. "And what if I wanted more than that?"

"I... I don't know," Isabela said. "I'm not built for relationships."

"I don't think that's true," Hawke said. "Look how well you're taking care of me now."

Isabela stood up and began pacing. Hawke said nothing as she watched the woman burn a whole in her floor. "You scared me." Isabela continued to pace as she gathered her thoughts. "I thought you were dead. I saw everything and I couldn't get to you fast enough. I threw my dagger but it reached him only after he had stabbed you. I was too late." Isabela stopped pacing and looked at Hawke. "My heart ached so badly watching you fall to the ground. It was like I couldn't breathe. And then I was worried sick waiting to find out if you'd make it or not."

"Isabela," Hawke began.

"I hate these feelings," Isabela continued. "These damned feelings that never go away." She pointed at Hawke. "This is all your fault. You and your stupid kindness and your annoying charm... your sodding wit. Maker help me, I think I'm falling for you and it's driving me insane."

Hawke began to get out of bed.

"What are you doing? You need to rest," Isabela chided her.

Hawke grimaced as she stood up but smiled once she was facing Isabela. "Those aren't bad feelings to have."

"I don't want them," Isabela said, pathetically. "Feelings complicate everything."

Hawke reached out and took Isabela's hand into her own. She intertwined their fingers and squeezed gently. "I love you, Isabela."

"Are you holding my hand so I don't bolt?" the pirate joked.

Hawke grinned. "That was the idea."

Isabela leaned forward, resting her head against Hawke's. "What am I supposed to do with all these feelings?"

"Stop fighting them," Hawke said. "We can go as slow as you want to go."

"You could do better than me." Isabela couldn't help the nagging feeling that the Champion of Kirkwall was settling for something less than what she deserved.

"I wish you'd give yourself more credit. To me, you're amazing. I don't want anyone else."

"So what do you want to happen here?" Isabela asked.

"I want to be yours and I want you to be mine," Hawke stated.

"I think... I think I want that too," Isabela said, quietly.

Hawke leaned forward and kissed her lover with all the passion she could muster. "I really wish I was well enough to do more than just kiss you."

Isabela laughed. "Oh trust me, I wish the same thing. No worries, though. This is just fine for now," she said before leaning in to kiss Hawke again.


End file.
